In Song of Solomon Chapter 3, the Bible reads in Verse 1, "By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth; I sought him, but I found him not. I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth; I sought him, but I found him not."
Now, in the Book of Song of Solomon we've been reading about expressions of love between the wife and her husband. Now, there a lot of strains and interpretations to this book, but if we just read the book and take it at face value, it's definitely about people that are married. It's definitely about King Solomon and a woman that he is in love with, and there is an exchange going on between the two, when we get into chapters 4 and 5, the word spouse is used a lot as they speak with one another which clearly indicates that they are married.
And in Chapter 3 here, we see that in Verse 4, obviously they are going into the bed chamber together, obviously that indicates that they are married because the Bible teaches that going to bed with someone that you are not married to is fornication, and it's a major, major sin in the Bible that judges very seriously.
And so, this is talking about affection between husband and wife. Now, the Book of Song of Solomon is one that’s not often preached, and a lot of people even find the teachings of Song of Solomon to be inappropriate and some would even say that it's in appropriate for children. Or some would say: well, it's a book that should be read, but don’t preach it, because it's too explicit. But in reality the Book of Song of Solomon is not explicit at all, it does deal with love, it does deal with marriage, it does deal with subjects of that nature, but it never goes into any detail that would be explicit or inappropriate for all ages. The Bible says every word of God is pure.
RESPONSE: Amen.
He is a shield unto them that put their trust in Him. And so I believe that this book is a pure righteous book and the Bible teaches that all scripture is give by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine. Now, one thing that’s interesting, if you look at this is that in these first few verses, we see that the wife is seeking for her husband, on her bed at night, in the middle of the night, he's not there, and she has an intense longing to be with her husband, and she has a desire for her husband but she doesn’t find him.
So she gets up in the middle of the night, and she basically goes out into city looking for him, that’s what we just read, as she is going out into the city looking for him, she is encountering basically what we would think of today is the police, the watchman that go about the city. Basically people that are just patrolling the city, making sure that there aren’t any enemy invaders, making sure that there aren’t any robbers out or anything like that.
So these men that are patrolling, she comes across then because she is out looking for her husband in the middle of the night, and she says to them, "Saw ye him whom my soul loveth?" It doesn’t give an answer, but in Verse 4 it says, "It was but a little that I passed from them," so after speaking with them, it says in Verse 4, "But I found him whom my soul loveth, I held him and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her that conceive me. I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please."
So what we see here, is that she has a great desire to be with her husband, she goes out and finds him, she lays a hold on him and will not let him go until she takes him into the bed chamber, right, into the chamber of her that conceived her, and the next thing we know he is asleep. But you notice one colossal thing that’s left out, that obviously happened in between, and this is what I mean by the fact, that the Bible is not explicit in the Book of Song of Solomon, even though people will often say that the Book of Song of Solomon is going into all this erotic detail.
Actually it's not at all. We see that he covers the subject of love and marriage and physical intimacy, between husband, but without going into any detail, whatsoever, we see that he just glosses over that part; he makes it obvious what's going on, without giving us the detail. Not only that, but as we read the Book of Song of Solomon, there are many times in Song of Solomon where the husband is praising his wife's beauty, and also where the wife is praising her husband's appearance.
And basically praising different parts of his body, talking about his arms and his legs, and talking about his hair and his face, and he is basically praising parts of the woman's, but notice, none of the anatomy, that’s the reproductive anatomy is ever described. God leaves that to be between a husband and wife and alone, he leaves that to be something that is kept private.
And so that should be kept private, I don't believe that we should go around talking about details of what goes on in our bedroom, what happens within a marriage should be private between that husband and wife, it shouldn’t be discussed openly, the Bible doesn’t discuss it openly. The Bible is not explicit.
The Bible is not going into those types of subjects and neither should we. We should use the Bible as our guidance, as far as how much to talk about these things, and what not to say, and where not to go when we preach, and when we read the Bible, and we talk to one another in fellowship. We should not go beyond what the Bible teaches.
There are people out there who want to take it further than that, and I just don’t believe that it's necessary. I've been married for 13 years, and you figure it out as you go along, and you learn more as you go. But let me say this, in Chapter 3 Verse 1 here, we see a theme that comes up over and over again in the Book of Song of Solomon which is basically this really intense desire that the wife has for her husband, and that the husband has for his wife.
She is saying, " By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not." The later it says, in Verse 4, "It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth; I held him, and would not let him go, until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her that conceived me."
Now, you say well that’s forceful of her, that’s not very ladylike of her to just grab hold of her husband, drag him into that bedroom and say, I'm not going to let you go until you (inaudible 00:06:21), but if you would go to 1 Corinthians, Chapter 7, and we should always let the Bible be our guide on all things, and we should always let the Bible trump our own opinions and what we think is right, and what we think is wrong, and let the Bible our final authority.
Because actually what we see here in Song of Solomon, Chapter 3, is actually a very good example, and if you would go to 1 Corinthians 7, we'll get some clear teaching from the New Testament that actually goes hand-in-hand with what we see in Song of Solomon Chapter 3.
In 1 Corinthians Chapter 7, Verse 1, the Bible reads, " Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."
So what that’s teaching there is that people that are unmarried should not have a physical relationship before marriage, that’s pretty clear. He says, "It's good for a man not to touch a woman, but then he says, "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."
You say; how is that going to avoid fornication, because if that relationship is taking place within marriage, that’s going to help you avoid seeking that relationship outside of marriage, because that need is already met, which is something that God has placed within us, as men and women, that desire for intimate relationship with the opposite gender, and we see that the righteous way to fulfill that is by every man having his own wife, and every woman having her husband.
That will help you to avoid fornication. Now today we have a teaching out there, that teaches that you should wait a very long time to get married, and if we talk to most people in the world today, probably the average age that they would recommend getting married is about 30. Now I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with getting married at age 30 or 40 or any age.
Every person is different. Every person has a different personality, they have a different life that they are living, and a different walk with God, and different people mature at different rates, and at different levels, but I will say this, a one-size-fits-all that just says; don't get married young, I don’t believe in it.
RESPONSE: Amen.
I'm against it. And here is why, because a lot of people today are being tempted with a lot of fornication because they are living a lifestyle that’s not really what the Bible teaches, because the Bible teaches that a man should leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife, and they too should be one flesh. That’s the perfect plan.
Now obviously the exception proves the rule. Obviously there are other situations, but God's plan, what God ordained from the beginning, in Genesis, was that a man would leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and that they, too, would be one flesh, and that is what God's perfect plan is, that is the norm.
And I like the word normal, we are taught today in 2013, well nothing is normal, your version of normal is different than my version of normal, because we are living in a day where nobody wants to consider anything abnormal. Queers are not abnormal, just everything is normal, everything is okay. Well look, there is a normal; a normal is a husband and wife that have children, that is a normal family.
I'm not saying that other situations don’t exist, I'm not saying that other situations couldn’t even righteously exist, there are some people that God doesn’t choose to bless with children at least not at this time. There are some people like the Apostle Paul, who basically said, that he had a certain gift from God where he was able to abstain from being married and abstain from fornication, and didn’t really a serious temptation, he was able to go through his life that way, and be effective serving God in that way.
They are widows, there are widowers, there are people who find themselves in situations through sin and then there are people who find themselves in situations just through the course of life. But let me tell you something, for the vast majority of people God's will, is that they get married, the Bible says, "I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children and guide the house. Given none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully."
That is God's main plan for mankind is the family. And the family is husband, wife, and children, that is the norm, that is what the majority of people should be doing with their lives, not to say there aren’t exceptions to that, but today everybody is the exception, right?
RESPONSE: Yes.
And so today we have a culture where man does not leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Man leaves father and mother and cleaves unto a roommate. Or, man leaves father and mother and lives alone, that is the norm today. And what's being taught is: oh, you don’t want to jump into marriage. You just want to go out and be single for a while, have your own apartment, or have a roommate. I don’t believe it's God's plan.
Now I don’t think there will be anything wrong with somebody who waits a little bit longer to get married, but I think that that person should ideally be living at home with their parents, until they get married, and I mean with daughters, no question about it. They should be at home under the protection of their mother and father; until the time comes that they get married. That's what I believe, that’s what I'm teaching my children, that’s what I want for them, and that’s what I think God teaches throughout the entire Bible.
But what we see today is a culture that says, man, don’t get married young. I got married young, and whenever you see people who, they are Christians, they love the Lord, and they meet somebody else who is Christian and who loves the lord, and they want to get married younger. Let's say, 18, 29, 20, 21, 22, and then just everybody is against it. All the family is against it, everybody is attacking it, don't do it, don’t do it, and what ends up happening is, it just makes it hard to live for God.
When basically, you are living in world where the norm; I'll tell you what the world's norm is, they leave father and mother at 18, and then they go out and they are a fornicator until they are 30.
RESPONSE: That's right.
And then when they are 30 they get married and they’ve already been with X-amount people. That’s not a way that we should be, as Christians, patterning ourselves after. And look, if two people are godly people that love each other, the Bible says, blessed are the children of the youth. And if two young people love God and love each other, and they want to serve the Lord together, I don’t think that anybody should try to stop them from getting married, establishing a home, and moving forward with their lives, because honestly, the biggest temptation for fornication is probably in the 20s. That's probably the prime fornication years.
And so, therefore, a lot of people are being pushed into a situation, and the Bible says, lead us not into temptation. Now, look, I'm not saying rush out and get married when you turn 18, but I am saying this, if you have a desire to get married, if you have a burning desire to be married, and that’s where you are, and you meet the person, and you are in love, and you do have a godly person that you'd like to spend the rest of your life with, I don’t think that you should put off getting married just for the sake of putting off getting married.
And if you do wait a little bit longer, do you what, then I think you should be willing to stay with mom and dad if they are not kicking out, and telling you, you need to be on your own. And some parents do that today.
But the Bible says here, to avoid fornication let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her husband. And then it says in Verse 3, "Let the husband render onto the wife, due benevolence and likewise also the wife onto the husband, the wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband."
But look at the second half of that verse, "And likewise also," meaning in the same way, "And likewise also the husband, hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." Because what we see here is that a part of the justification for getting married, that the Bible is giving is to avoid fornication.
So he is saying, look, if you are getting married, but then you are not having a physical relationship with your spouse, Satan is going to tempt you for your incontinency. You basically have defeated a major purpose of getting married, because part of the reason got married was to avoid fornication, now you are not having that physical relationship Satan is going to tempt you, or tempt your spouse, and you say, "Well, I'm above that."
Well, great, but you know what, the Bible says, not to do it, because Satan will tempt you for your incontinency, that’s what the Bible teaches. So we might think that we are smarter than that, but the Bible says, "Let him who thinks he stands take heed that he fall." And you look at a man like David, who was a great man of God, was he above committing adultery, he committed adultery but he made a series of foolish decisions leading up to that that caused him to commit adultery. He is idle, he is not going to war, he is sitting around, he is getting up in the middle of the night, just walking around and looking through windows. He sees a woman and then takes a second look at a woman that’s bathing.
He did X, Y and Z that led up to that point, but I'm saying that none of us should just think we are above sin, we are immune from sin, and look, even if you are not going to go out and just commit the awful wicked sin of adultery, which is something that God prescribed the death penalty for in the Old Testament, major, major sin, even they are not going to go out and commit the sin of adultery though, the Bible does teach that if you look on a woman to lust after, you’ve committed adultery with her already in your hear.
And I tell, when you have a right relationship with your spouse, do you know what, that sin is going to be much less of a temptation, than when you are basically abstaining from the relationship with your spouse, which the Bible, frankly commands you in 1 Corinthians 7, not to do. Then in Verse 6 he says, "But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment; for I would that all men were even as I myself." Meaning single, "But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that."
What he is saying is, I'm not commanding you that you must get married, but I'm giving you permission to be married, because it is something that will help you to avoid fornication, and so on. He is saying, I personally would like everybody to be single, like me, that’s the life I live, but he is just basically telling them, you know what, to avoid fornication most people need to get married. And he explains that some people have that gift.
In Verse 7 he said, "Every man hath this proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But…" watch this, "If they cannot contain, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn." And the burn there he is talking about burning in lust, rather than just being married, and just satisfying that need that is a natural part of being a human being.
So this is a really great passage on marriage, and about the physical relationship in marriage, but don’t you see the consistency between 1 Corinthians 7, and what we see in Song of Solomon, Chapter 3, because the Bible says here, at the end of Verse 4, "Likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." And then it says, "Defraud ye not one the other."
So just as much as the wife can defraud the husband, the husband can also defraud the wife, and what we see here, is that basically the husband is being laid a hold on, and dragged into that bedroom, and she's not going to let him go, until she's brought him into that bedroom, and the next thing we know he's sleeping soundly.
So what we see here is that what's being taught in Song of Solomon, Chapter 3, is completely proper and right, and she was within her married rights to basically demand a physical relationship with her husband. Does everybody understand that?
So you can look at that and say, that’s not ladylike, or what in the world was that about, what's going on with that. But look, according to the Bible, it joins with the teaching of scripture in 1 Corinthians 7. Now some people would literally, and I don’t like to be explicit, the Bible is not explicit, and little ears are listening, but some people would define this as a word that starts with an R, that’s a four-letter word, and it rhymes with a big animal that eats bananas. Does everybody know what I'm talking about? Who knows the word that I'm alluding to, without saying it in front of the children?
Some children would refer to that and say: oh, making somebody do something that they don’t want to do, or telling someone that they have to do something that they don’t want to do, that’s, (insert four-letter-word) that they want to slander it as. But let me ask you this, what does the Bible teach?
The Bible teaches in Verse 5, that you should not defraud the other except it be with consent, or a time. So let me ask you this, does the Bible say, you must get consent every time you want to have a physical relationship with your spouse, is that what the Bible says?
RESPONSE: No.
No. In fact, the Bible teaches the exact opposite. The Bible teaches, and you say, I don’t believe you have to guts to preach this about it. Well, I have the guts to preach a lot of things, and if you’ve been coming to this church, you know that, because do you know what; I fear God and no one else. And the Bible teaches this, and it needs to be preached, I don't really give a rip, what anybody thinks about it. Oh, people are going to attack you. Well, they already do. Yes, and all that we live godly in Christ Jesus or suffer persecution.
The Bible teaches that this is something that should be consented not to do. There should be consent to abstain for a period of fasting and prayer. The Bible says, "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
So what we see there is that the consent is to abstain for a period of fasting and prayer, and this is not a year-long fast for you'd be dead. You probably haven't even fasted … you probably never fasted for a month. Goodnight! How long have you fasted for? How much praying are you doing?
The reason why God talks about abstaining for a period of fasting and prayers, because obviously if you are fasting, what is the definition of fasting, you are going without what?
RESPONSE: Food.
Food, right. And isn't there a joy in eating?
RESPONSE: Yes.
And when you don’t eat don’t you feel deprived, you feel hungry, and you wish you have you had some food, and when you bite into that food it tastes so good, and there is a pleasure in eating and drinking. Part of the purpose of fasting is foregoing pleasure, so that you can really just devote yourself to the Lord in prayer. And the Bible often use the term afflicting your souls. When you are fasting you are afflicting your souls. And so if you are afflicting your soul, and then you are basically enjoying a pleasurable relationship with your spouse, that wouldn’t really be consistent would it. I'm not going to eat, but I'm going to gratify the flesh in this other way, not consistent. Now is it a sin to eat food?
RESPONSE: No.
No. Well, is it a sin to have a physical relationship with your spouse, because you are commanded to? Catholics teach that it's a sin, but that’s a creepy religion anyway. So obviously you'd forego that for a period of fasting and prayer, it makes perfect sense. Now notice the word fraud, defraud. If we were to think of the word fraud, we would probably think of what, writing a bad check? Or maybe a business deal gone bad, something that’s fraudulent.
So the reason that this kind of behavior within marriage is fraudulent it's because, when you get married part of the vow is to have and to hold. And if you are not keeping that end of the bargain, if you make a vow: I'm marrying you, in sickness as in health, and poverty as in wealth, forsaking all others, keep me only unto you so long as we both shall live; to have and hold from this day forward, for better, for worse. That is a commitment that you are making. That is a promise that you are making. That is vow that you are making, and if you go back on that, that’s fraud, because you are not keeping your end of the bargain.
And when you get married part of what you are in for is a physical relationship. And if you are going to defraud your spouse of that physical relationship you are committing sin. What's interesting about this, is that if we see in Song of Solomon Chapter 3, the one who … he's not being defrauded, but the one who is basically demanding a physical relationship from their spouse, is the wife, demanding that her husband have a physical relationship with her in Chapter 3.
She goes out looking for him, lays hands on him, won't let him go until he goes into the chamber. But today the common philosophy of the world that we live in, and look, you’ve got to get over our American culture, because it's ungodly. I mean our American culture is downright strange. When you are living in a society that condones sodomy, when you are living in a society where 1 out of 4 women have aborted their child, have murdered their own child, one out of four women today in America is the statistics that I read.
When you are living in a society that calls good evil, and evil good, you’ve really got to just put that all aside and just read the Bible and just believe what it says. And you see, there is a lot of feminism out there today, and there is a lot of teaching out there that basically says; well, physical relationship, that’s something that men want. But it seems like a lot of feminism teaches that that’s not something that women are even interested in. That’s just something that women just go along with or whatever, but that’s not really something that they need or that they desire, but is that what we see as we read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation? No.
We see that in a healthy, normal marriage, we see that both people want to have this real with one another. Isn't that what we see in 1 Corinthians 7? If the husband is not having that relationship he feels defrauded, if the wife is not getting that relationship she feels defrauded. The husband is not there for his wife in her time of need. She lays a hold on him and says; look, buddy, time to pay up on the check, this is what you’ve committed to do.
What I'm saying is that we see in the Bible is a mutual desire, one for another. And this is what should exist in a healthy marriage where the husband and wife are not having a physical relationship as a drudgery or as a chore, or just to make the other person happy, but rather both enjoy this relationship, and that it's something that they both desire, and that both of them would be tempted without. It's just something that they need, or something that needs to be filled by the spouse.
Yet today we don’t always see that this is the case and there are a lot of marriages, and I don't do marriage counseling, just simply because I don’t like to know every detail of people's messed up marriage, or other problems. Because you just don't want to hear everybody. And here is my philosophy. The Bible works for everybody.
RESPONSE: Amen.
Ephesians 5 works for everybody. Song of Solomon works for everybody, so I have a one-size-fits-all approach that says, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, if God says: Husbands love your wives, wives submit to your husbands. Love your wives as Christ loves the church. Be not bitter against your wives, and they don't defraud each other. He's giving all this advice, I just believe that that works for everybody, that the same advise is going to be good for everybody, so I just don’t feel like I need to know every detail of some situation.
Sit down in some office and do counseling, where he tells me everything bad about his wife, and she tells me everything bad about her husband, and then I'm going to mediate and be like a referee in somebody else's marriage. I don’t want to do that, because I believe that every man should be the head of his own household. I'm not going to step in and fill that role. You be a man, you run house, you be in charge. I'm not going to come in and start telling you what to do, and start telling your wife what to do, and I don’t want to hear all your dirty laundry, because you know what, honestly, I don’t need to know.
And when people come to me and say; hey, do you do marriage counseling, or can get some of that, I say, well, look, I don’t need to know the details of your situation. I just say, let me just tell you what the Bible says you should be doing in your marriage. Do X, Y, Z, A, B, C, and if you do that, take two of these and call me in the morning. That's going to work. It's going to work, and you just might not want to do it, you just might fail at doing it, but there's no new thing under the sun.
You think you have this unique situation that nobody has ever dealt with, you think that you are going through marital problems that nobody has ever had, and just nobody understands. I know the Bible says that, but my husband is X, Y, or my wife is … Don’t you think God knew that when he wrote the Bible, and don’t you think that there's no temptation that’s taking you, but such as is common demand.
And that’s how the Bible works for everybody, but I don’t do a bunch of counseling, I don’t listen to a bunch of people's details in their marriage, because frankly I just … I'm not interested in it, and I don’t think that it's right … I don’t want to be a confessional booth, where I just listen to everybody's dirty laundry. This isn't the Catholic Church. Don’t come to me and just start confessing everything to me, or something after the service, about all the marital strife that you’ve have.
But I will say this, even without doing counseling, just in the course of my life, and just being a pastor, you hear a lot of people say a lot of things, and you come into contact with a lot of situations, and I can tell you right now, this is something that is a problem in a lot of people's marriages. That's why it's even worth preaching about. And do you know what, there are Christians today in 2013 that do commit adultery, and they do get divorced and remarried which is adultery, because the Bible says, "Whosoever put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery."
So what we see is that there's a lot of divorce, there's a lot of adultery, there's a lot of marriages failing, and I see it, and I believe that it is mainly a result of people not following the Bible.
RESPONSE: Amen.
Because I believe that if they would follow the Bible, and if we would order our marriage according to biblical principles, then our marriage would go better than if we are ordering it according to the world's principles. Then we are going to fail, then we are going to have problems. Obviously there are situations where people are unequally yoked together, and the Bible says, "Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?"
And obviously if you are married to someone who is not saved, that’s a challenge. That’s a whole issue in and of itself, that’s why those that are single, Christians need to make sure that they don't make that mistake. If you’ve already made that mistake, you have to deal with the consequences of it, and then your life is going to be more complicated.
But God's original will is that you marry a believer if you are a believer, and make sure that you marry someone who loves the Lord if you love the Lord. But I believe that today, there's a major problem today in marriages where people who are married, it's like they live their life like roommates. They don’t have the relationship that we see in Song of Solomon, where you see just all this passion and all this intense love.
And I believe it's possible … I have that kind of a marriage so I know that it's possible, and I'm telling you there are a lot of people today, where they are literally living with a business partner or a roommate today, and they read the Book of Song of Solomon, and they are looking at that, and they are looking at their own marriage, and it doesn’t line up.
It would be like if we read the Book of Acts, and we compared it to our church, and just saw no similarity. The Book of Acts, they are going out, they are knocking doors, they are getting people save, people are getting baptized, it's exciting, there's persecution there is great victories, there's churches being started, and then they look at their church, and it's like, no one is ever getting saved, no one is ever getting baptized, no one is ever being persecuted, no one is starting a church, everybody is just sitting there, and it's a social club, and it's a Bible study.
Wouldn’t you say there's something wrong with our church if there's a disparity between our church and what we are reading in the Book of Acts? And then we should look at the Book of Acts, and sway what could I do to make our church more like the early church of the Book of Acts, where they are doing great things for God. Doesn’t that make sense?
So Song of Solomon is like the Book of Acts of marriage. Like Acts is a pattern, the Acts of the Apostles, we see the great things that they did for God so that we can be inspired to do great things for God ourselves. Well in our marriage, we look at the Book of Song of Solomon, and we look at a marriage that’s a great marriage. We look at the marriage of two people that love each other, and that have a great relationship, and basically we can try to look at that and say, you know what, this is the target that we are shooting for.
Does everybody understand? This is the target, this is pattern, this is something to be striven for, and I don't see a business relationship here, I don’t see a roommate status. And I'm going to tell you right now, what I believe is the biggest problem today in marriage, when you have dull marriage, a dead marriage. Let me say this, today we see that probably most marriages will fall in this category, and that’s why the world has to trade spouses every once in a while, every five years, 10 years.
Also the world pictures marriage as boring, married life is boring. Be sure you live your life and have fun because when you get married, it's just, and basically their wife is the old lady, the old ball and chain, somebody that they want to spend as little time as possible.
I know people who literally, they work for a company that will send them out of town, and they’ll go out of town for just weeks on end, and not even see home for weeks on end, and they just do it, because they volunteer to do it, just to get away from their wife. Isn't that horrible? Isn't that said? Just get me away from her. They just want to find as many things to do, and just get away from her, and it's like the Bible says in Proverbs, "It's better to dwell in the corner of a housetop than with a stubborn and rebellious woman.
But then also it can go the other way too, just wives that don't want to be around their husband, they just want to get away from them, they just don't have any desire to be with them, and this is a problem. I'll tell you what I think is the biggest problem, and I think it's a huge problem why marriage becomes dull, because when you first get married it's never dull, right, but it's like the newness wears off, and then people can have dullness in their marriage that does not mirror the Book of Song of Solomon.
I have a good illustration about this, and it has to do with electricity, and Scott, go ahead and go into this room, Scott, and get me one of those fire alarm batteries out of that room, Scott. If you walk into that room and walk down on the right-hand side there's like a million of them. Go and bring me one of them.
Because I'm an electrician so I understand a lot about electrical, my dad was an electrician, his dad is an electrician, and before that, I don’t know if there was electricity before that.
So I know about electricity, and there's AC voltage, and DC voltage, and if you think about a battery, and I've installed, literally, thousands of these, because a big part of my job doing fire alarms is replacing batteries, they need to be replaced all the time. And if you have a car battery, you know a little bit about batteries, but there are two poles here, there is the positive, which is the red right here; and then there is the negative, which is the black here.
A lot of people they know, it's a battery it's got a red and a black, don't mix them up, it's going to blow up, but they don’t really understand how electricity works. Let me just explain to you, one of major principles of electricity, and that that is the principle of voltage. Who thinks they know a little bit about voltage, the basics of voltage?
A very small percentage of people are putting up their hand, but some people know about voltage, but voltage is often referred to as potential difference. Again, I'm going to read for you, this is a dictionary definition of voltage. "Electromotive force for potential difference expressed in volts. The SI unit of potential difference, and electromotive force formerly defined to be the difference of electrical potential between two points of a conductor carrying a constant current of 1 amp when the power dissipated between these points is equal 1 watt."
You say, I don't know what that means. But voltage is the electrical difference between this point and this point. They are very different. One of them … let me just explain it to you in a way that you can understand.
One of them has a surplus of electrons; one of them has a lack of electrons, so there is an imbalance. Do you understand that there is an imbalance? One of them is real heavy on electrons, and I'm oversimplifying, but it's not a science lesson; one of them is lacking in electrons, so there's a big difference. Now here is the thing, if there is a little difference, that’s called low voltage, there s not a big potential difference between the positive and the negative.
The bigger the difference the higher the voltage; now, this is a 12-volt battery, it's similar to a car battery, and when I would go out and check fire alarm batteries one of the things I would do, I would do is put my multimeter on there, and I would measure the voltage on the battery. And if I measure the voltage and it said, 12, 13 volts, that means it's a good battery that’s a lot of difference, for what we need, that’s exactly what we needed, 12-volt battery.
But what happens is over time, if I let this battery sit on the shelf, and I don't even use it, this battery will go dead, that’s why batteries have dates on them, and they say you have to use it by a certain date. Well, if I let this sit, basically over time it just slowly reaches the point of equilibrium, where everything is just kind of relaxes, the tension is gone, and it basically becomes equal to where the electrons here, are exactly the same as the electrons here. It's just completely balanced.
So when we have a good battery, when we have a good spark, when we have electricity, when we have power, it's because we have a high voltage, we have a high potential difference. When we have a dead, worthless battery that will power nothing, it's because we have equilibrium or balance in electrons. There is no potential difference, there is zero difference, zero volts, and then it's ready for the trash.
So what happens is, if we were to think about magnets, for example, opposites attract, if we have a very strongly positive side, and a very strongly negative, it's going to go boom, it's going to be very strongly pulled together, if we have a positive and a positive, they are going to be very strongly repelling one another, right, but what if we just have a weak magnet. If you have a weak magnet, you can force the two positives together if it's weak.
If it's a weak magnet, you can pull apart the positive and the negative, if it's really strong man, it will suck it so hard together that you can't get it apart. For example, a lot of doors are locked. Do you ever go to businesses and you have card access, a lot of times there's a magnetic lock on the door, and it's a magnet that’s holding this.
Sometime it's up here, there's just that metal plate and a magnet, and that thing is energized, and you can try as hard as you want, and you will not get that door open, because that magnetism is so strong, and then as soon as you swipe you card, the magnet de-energizes, the voltage is gone, and boom, you pull them right apart.
So, what is it that’s going to keep us together in our marriage? What is it that’s going to keep the attraction there, pulling us tightly together, where you can't pry us apart? Versus just his really weak attraction where it's just really easy to pull us apart, right? Or what's going to keep our batteries charged, what's going to keep the electricity and the spark alive at the high-voltage marriage, versus the marriage that’s dead, drab, like a dead battery.
What if we hooked a light bulb to this battery? If it was a full battery we would get a nice, bright shine. And then what if it was a dying battery that had maybe 1 or 2 volts, it will probably just dimly light up, just a little bit, and you would say, this battery weak. Your flashlight just gets weaker, and weaker and weaker.
You say, what in the world does this have to do with being married. What I'm saying is very important right now, and it's very biblical, and if you are smart, and you married, then you are hanging on every word right now, because this is really important, and a lot of people might, oh, yeah, whatever, it's a battery.
But listen to me, your marriage is not positive and negative, it might be, wherever you are … you are like, no you don’t understand my husband is, or negative my wife is. Your marriage is not a marriage between a positive and a negative, it's a marriage between a what and a what?
RESPONSE: One man to a woman.
A man and a woman, right?
RESPONSE: yes.
So basically that we have on one end is masculinity. And then the other pull we have is femininity, and these two things are contrary to one another, they are opposites aren’t they, and if you are normal, there is an attraction, between man and woman, right. And that’s why got married in the first place, because there was an attraction between man and woman. There is a difference there, those that are homos, the word "homo" is Greek for "the same" mean with men, it's perverted; it's not according to nature, because nature is like this.
So what I'm saying is, if you have a marriage where you can keep strong masculinity on one side of the marriage, and strong femininity on the other side of the marriage, you will have an exciting marriage. You will have a powered up marriage, you will have a high voltage marriage, you will have a marriage, where the attraction remains, and when you get rid of that difference between husband and wife, when you get rid of that difference between men and women, what you are doing is you are draining the battery.
You are going from a 12-volt marriage to a 3-volt marriage, and then you wonder why you are not attracted to your spouse. You are wondering why your spouse wasn’t attracted to you, you wonder why, it's just so easy for you to be apart from one another. In fact, sometimes you like being apart, because there's so much sameness, there's almost a repulsion. Why? Because our culture today has destroyed manhood today, and has destroyed womanhood today, and that’s why you see men and women, both, losing interest in the physical relationship with their spouse, because they’ve lost that difference there.
And do you know what they do, they go out and look for a what, a different spouse. So that’s where they find the difference. Instead of finding the difference within marriage -- Are you getting this? Instead of finding the potential difference within marriage, they go just find a different … that’s the easier way to find the difference, just find a different person. But you know what, that battery is going to go dead pretty fast. You will go find that person, and the same thing is going to happen. That battery is going to go dead.
But do you know what, there is a way to just keep that thing charged up all the time, and just keep that thing cranking at 12 volts. This is a rechargeable battery that I'm holding in my hand. This is a sealed, lead, acid rechargeable battery. This thing isn't a battery like the little energized battery, you use it up, you throw it away, that’s the world's marriage, by the way. Use it for a while, it's great at first, it works, great, and then slowly you get sick of it and throw it out and find another one.
This is a rechargeable battery, this is a sealed-lead acid battery, this thing keeps on going and going and going, and eventually it goes bad but it can work for a long, long time, because it keeps being recharged. Let's look at some Bible scriptures on this.
First of all go to Deuteronomy Chapter 22, let's start with some basics, and I'm not going to start with the big thing, I'm going to start with the small thing first, everybody listening? We are going to start with the small things then we are going to go to the big thing. So here is the small thing, but do you know what, if you can't get the little things right, you are not going to get the big things right, because if you can't be faithful in the little things, you can't be faithful in the big things, isn't that the truth?
And do you know what? What I'm going to show you right now is the easy way to have a difference. And it's the little thing that can be different, whereas as we progress in the sermon, I'm going to get to bigger things, that are more difficult, but that will have an even greater impact in this area of your life.
Deuteronomy 22:5 says, "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment, for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God." Now is that telling you to have different clothing than your wife?
RESPONSE: Yes.
Now that’s a small thing, that’s not going to create, that’s not just going to juice you up, vrrrrr, it's not some huge amount of electricity, but at least we are getting a little bit of power in your battery. If we can at least get your wife to wear a skirt, and get you to wear pants, at least we are getting some kind of difference going, instead of you dressing exactly the same. It's progress, isn't it?
The we could go over to 1 Corinthians 11, and we'll not there for sake of time, and where the Bible says that a man should have short hair, and a woman should have long hair. Okay, at least we are getting a little bit more juice into the battery, but at least there's a little bit of a difference at least in the way we look. At least I can look at my wife, and find her attractive because she looks different than a man, she looks feminine. Do you what's the most attractive, the most feminine woman.
RESPONSE: Yes.
You say, well, not to me. Shut up, you pervert, we are talking to the real men in the room. Go to the church down the street, weirdo. Real men are looking for a feminine wife; they are not looking for some butch, bald dike-looking woman, that’s not what they are looking for. They are looking for a woman who is feminine, because they are a man, and they want a feminine wife, that’s what they find attractive.
Do you know what? Women that are godly women, that are righteous women, they are not looking for some queer little effeminate sissy, some guy who has got his little skinny jeans sagging down, and he's got his little limp wrist, and he's got his $80 hairdo, that’s not what they are looking for, they are looking for a real man, a masculine man, and that’s what they are going to find attractive. That's what God has ordained, a difference between men and women.
There's got to be a difference, and those are just really simple things, and those are the outward things. What's more important, the outward or the inward?
RESPONSE: The inward.
But that means that the outward is not important at all?
RESPONSE: No.
If it weren’t important God wouldn’t have even mentioned it. He said, cleanse first that which is within the cup or the platter that the outside of that may be clean also. We should have the outside right too, but the inside is way more important. The only reason I'm starting with the outside, is just because it's easier to understand. Everything I just said, was really to understand, any questions; pretty simply, right?
Just dress like a man, wear your hair like a man. But also we could … and I don’t have time in the sermon, just have all the attributes of a man, strength, firmness, calmness, confidence, courage. I've preached a whole sermon on manliness where I went into that, and then Bible gives attributes that a woman should have; a meek and quiet spirit, godliness, good works.
The Bible talks a lot about the different things in Proverbs 31, the things that characterize a godly woman. "She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and then her tongue is the law of kindness, one who is wise, one who understands God's work, ones who spend their time being a homemaker, one who takes care of the children and takes care of her husband, takes care of domestic responsibilities. Everybody getting this -- okay?
But here is the colossal thing, go to Genesis 3:16, and here is the thing, there is not a lot of scripture that specifically goes into this subject of: what's going to make a husband be very attracted to his wife, and what's going to make a wife be attracted to her husband? So when there is a scripture about it we should be pay attention, because there aren’t that many scriptures about it. So we should really pay close attention when there is a scripture about it.
Look at Genesis 3:16, this is a big thing, this is huge, this is everything. Genesis 3:16 says, "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children;" and watch this, "And thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."
Now that says that woman's desire will be to her husband, and he shall rule over her. So, I submit to you today that the biggest reason why the marriage battery is dead today, why the world's marriage battery is dead, and I say 90 percent marriage batteries are dead or going dead in many ways, it's because we he an equilibrium, we have equality in marriage is what we have.
RESPONSE: Yes.
Equality! But I thought equality was good. No, equality is not good in a marriage. Do you know what kind of equality is good? When I'm a grown man who has my own household, and you are grown man and we are brothers in Christ, I'm not better than you, you are not better than me, we are equal. I'm not going to put some title after my name, I'm not Steven Anderson, I'm Sir Steven Anderson, Esquire.
Titles of nobility are some things that were abolished when our country was founded. And they said, we don’t want titles of nobility, we don’t want to lift up one above another. I believe in equality, I think that we should treat people equally when they are of different race. I don’t think we should treat the Jew better than the Gentile. I don't think we should treat White better than Black. I think whoever comes in here should be treated with equality.
But when it comes to marriage, we can't just an equilibrium where basically marriage is a 50/50 thing, where nobody is really the boss, nobody is ruling, nobody is in charge, it's just a 50/50 thing where we were in a partnership. And do you know what, I'm so sick of that term partner, I hate when I'm filling out paperwork, and they asked me about my partner, I'm like; excuse me, I don’t have a partner I have a wife. But these homos they brought in that word, this is my partner, and they use the word partner. I hate that stupid word.
RESPONSE: Amen.
I don’t have a partner I have a wife, and she has a husband. And here is the thing though, many Christians they call it their wife, they call it their husband, but do you know what it is, it's a partner, because it's 50/50, because there is no authority structure, the husband is not the head of that home, and the Bible says the husband is the head of the wife. That’s what it says. It says the wives are to obey to their husbands, to submit unto their husbands, to be obedient to their husbands, to be in subjection under their husband, that is what the Bible says, and that the husband should rule over the wife, and should lead and be the head of the wife.
That is why we have a dead battery today, because we've gotten rid of that preaching out of the pulpits of America. You say; how do you know? Well, I've been in church my whole life, and I've heard very little of it, and I've been at independent fundamental Baptist and I've heard very little of it, because it's not popular, because people want to be popular or, even worse, because the pastor is sitting in front of a TV getting brainwashed all day by the world's view of marriage.
And a lot of people -- and listen to me now -- a lot of Christian husbands today are about like the Queen of England, where they are like a figurehead, like where they are the boss in name only. Do you know what I mean? Like, we look at them and say: oh, yeah, the Queen of England, she's the monarch. Is she really the boss of England?
RESPONSE: No.
Is she really in charge? Does she really have the power? Or the King of Norway, King Haakon, or whatever his name is, he is not the one who really wheels the power over there. He is a figurehead; he's somebody that we pretend is in charge for fun. That's the way a lot of marriages are. It's like, yup the husband is the head of the wife, but then every time there's a decision, it's like, the wife calls the shots, tells him how it's going to be, tells him it's my way or the highway, and even just in the day-to-day administrations of the home, the husband is often treated with disdain, served last at meals, treated like an interloper in his own home.
Look! That is not actually making him the head, and actually giving him the authority and making him the ruler, and I'm telling you; you say, well, I like it that way. Well, you know what, just don’t expect any of that action that you are reading in Song of Solomon. Just kiss that goodbye; you and your partner aren’t going to have that.
Because I'm telling if you want to have the kind of marriage described in Song of Solomon, if you want to have the kind of marriage that God describes in Ephesians, fine, if you are a wife and you want to be loved by your husband, do you know what, the same chapter that says, "Husbands love your wives, is the same one that says, wives submit to your husband." The same one, if you want your wife's desire to be under you, you are going to have to rule over her. And let me tell you something, if you don’t rule over your wife, her desire will not be unto you.
This is a package deal. If you don’t submit to your husband and reverence your husband, your husband is not going to love as much as if you do. And husbands, if you don’t love your wife, and cherish your wife, and nourish your wife, she's not going to reverence you and obey you and respect you as she could. This is something that needs to go both ways, this is something where the Bible is giving a package deal here, you can't just take the part of it that you like, and say; well, I like this part, but I don’t like this part, because come on, it's 2013, right?
Come on, you are folding up that Bronze Age book and telling me that the husband is going to rule over his wife, and the wife is going to obey her husband. Do you know what? It's God's word and it never changes, and do you know what, I don’t care whether you put this sermon into practice or not, because do you know what, it's your life, it's your marriage.
If you go home tonight, if you go home tonight and your wife lays down the law with you, and tells you how bad Pastor Anderson's sermon was. Tells you how, we are never going back to that church again. And your wife sits you down and tells you how the finances are going to be, and she sits you down and tells you how the children are going to be reared, and how the home is going to be, and you just cower in fear and just do whatever she says. Do you know what? I'm not the one who has to live with that. That’s no skin off my back, good. If you want to live that way, go ahead.
Live a dull marriage, probably end up divorced, or end up just miserable, cowering in the corner of the housetop somewhere in the fetal position. Divorce, committing adultery, or she's going to commit adultery, or you are going to commit adultery. Just go the way of the world and end up the way of the world, failure.
Or, if you are smart you'll actually listen to what the Bible says, and say, you know what, we need to dress different. We need to have our hair different, the husband needs to rule over the wife, the husband needs to be the clear boss, there needs to be a clear difference and there needs to be no equality. Equality is overrated my friend, get over it, and unless you are ready to get rid of equality in your marriage and throw equality out, you are going to have a dead battery, it's that simple. It's easier said than done, but it's true.
And do you know what? This battery is a perfect illustration. God has given us things in nature like that that teach us things, and we can learn from that. Then we can apply it to scripture and see that it jives with scripture.
But I've got to hurry up and finish. Let's go to Song of Solomon 3, I'll wrap this up. I just wanted to break that down to you, just a little bit of science. And do you what's funny? What I just explained to you has scientific backing. If you think about it, everything I explained about voltage, I don't think any scientist is going to disagree with that, magnets, nobody is going to disagree. I don’t think anybody would disagree, if we were to just look at just evidence, just empirical evidence, that everything I'm saying right now is true. Because we see that just naturally, men and women are attracted to each other because there is a difference there if they are hetero, hetero means different.
But you know what though? Science just rejects all of this, atheist reject this, just because it's not politically correct. Even though, really, if I go to a community college, I've done it, the community college is 3 miles from here, and I preached exactly what I'm preaching now, or similar, and I preached about how the wife needs to be ruled over, and the husband is the boss, and he needs to do … and do you know what, every girl in the room was nodding her head by the time I was done talking, and less half of them even claimed to be a Christian.
And I said, do you know what, women want a husband that’s going to rule over them, that’s why women like a guy who takes them out and orders the food, and he picks the place, because they want to be a follower and they love the security and the protection, and the feeling of being with a man that is their leader, that’s their boss, that’s their ruler. And do you know what? These liberal, feminist college students are saying; yes that is what I want. Oh, wait, what I did I just say?
I'm not kidding, and do you know what, the room was full of 30 people and everybody saw it. As soon as I start preaching the word of God on the subject, I was preaching about this, and do you know what, you cut through the feminism, you cut through the independent woman, and we can do it, you cut through all that garbage, because do you know what that is, that is the Feminist Movement trying to eradicate something that is nature.
Something that is thousands of years old, that goes back to Adam and Eve, just natural inclinations, they are trying to brainwash it out of you through TV, through radio, through schooling, but do you know what, you can cut through the brainwashing with the word of God. And you'll even find that, even this principle, even works with the unsaved. Just like, this battery is not saved, this battery is not saved, but yet it operates because there is a difference. Even unsaved people can have a marriage operational, if there's a difference, if one person is the boss. Even the homos try to pretend that one of them is the man. Have you noticed that? Because they can't escape this.
RESPONSE: Yes.
This haunts them in their sleep at night, bunch of perverts. The Bible and science are all in agreement. It just doesn’t, with this homo, it's weird, it's perverse, so they pretend. They are like; they have one of them that tries to be different than the other. Can anybody deny what I'm saying? All the evidence points to it, everything points to the fact that I'm true. Why won't you believe be? I'm telling you the truth tonight.
But anyway let me finish up real quick in Song of Solomon Chapter 3. We saw this intense desire of the wife to be with her husband, and we see this horrible abuse taking place in this relationship, where she just lays hold on him and won't let him go, and just takes him, yeah, she was very abusive.
But anyway, so then we move to a new phase in Verse 6, "Who is this that cometh out of the wilderness like pillars of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all powders of the merchant? Behold his bed, which is Solomon's; threescore valiant men are about it, of the valiant of Israel. They all hold swords, being expert in war: every man hath his sword upon his thigh because of fear in the night."
And again, there's a lot going on in this passage, but to take a marital application which is the main application of Song of Solomon, what do we see here, the husband's protection of the wife, basically she feels very protected, because Solomon has got like 60 armed mean around the bed with a sword on their thigh. That’s protection, that’s safety, they are all experts in war.
But do you know what, as a husband we should make our wife feel safe. We should make her feel protected and secure, we should provide financial security, we should provide security by not always being like; I just don't know to do. I just don’t know what we are going to do, I just feel like a live (inaudible 01:00:38).
Do you know what? It's not what your wife wants to hear. She wants you to be a rock, she wants to be a leader, she wants to be a stalwart and firm, and say; hey, baby, everything is fine. Stick with me, everything is fine, I've got everything under control, and to actually to have everything under control. She needs you to be stable and to protect, and to lead and to provide solid leadership, I mean: would you like to ride on a plane where the pilot is, I don't know what to do.
Or would you like to go into war behind a General that’s like; I don't know, what do you think we should do? I don't know, you are the General, man, tell us what to do, I don’t know.
Or, what if the pilot comes to you and says, I don’t know, how do you think we should make this descent. What angle do you think we should come in at, have you seen the runway? That would freak you out.
You don’t want to freak your wife out, by just constantly not knowing what you are doing, and just going to her like; okay, honey, what do we do, I don’t know what to do, I'm incompetent. She wants you to be competent to protect, to provide stability, to provide security, that’s what we see here, in this passage.
Then it says, "King Solomon made himself a chariot of the wood of Lebanon. He made the pillars thereof of silver, the bottom thereof of gold, the covering of it of purple, the midst thereof being paved with love, for the daughters of Jerusalem. Go forth, O ye daughters of Zion, and behold King Solomon with the crown wherewith his mother crowned him in the day of his espousals, and in the day of the gladness of his heart."
So the Bible here is equivalent here is the equivalent, or it's making equivalent the day of a espousal the day of gladness of your heart. This is showing the gladness of marriage. Basically the day that he got married is a glad day. My wife and I just celebrated our 13-year wedding anniversary yesterday, right, so we are celebrating the day of our espousal 13 years ago, and it was the day of gladness of our heart, it's a happy day, that’s why we celebrate it, because it's something that we look on fondly, and happily, and we are glad that that day happened.
So what I'm showing here is that marriage can be good, marriage can be a blessing, marriage can be the happiest relationship that you have this side of heaven. But do you know what? It can also be the biggest drag and drudgery and dullness if you get this battery thing wrong.
Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer. Father, we thank you so much for your word, and Lord, we thank you for the clear teaching of your word, and we thank you for the example of Song of Solomon. Thank you for giving us the Book of Acts, to show us a great church. And thank you for the Book of Song of Solomon, to show us a great marriage.
